Sarcasm

I am sure that we all welcome the latest Clarifying Announcement by the Laboratory reassuring residents that they are ready to ban pretty much anything at a moment’s notice, which will make us all much safer from whatever it was we were in danger from [note to self: fill this bit in later]. After all, it was apparently we who made it clear that certain types of content and activity were simply not acceptable in any form. I’m not sure that I recall that personally, but apparently I did, which makes me slightly concerned as to whether I am underestimating my late-night champagne consumption.

It does occur to me, though, that there may be those who are concerned that they might inadvertantly fall foul of these regulations. I can only put this down to inattention, really, as it is obviously completely clear and always has been that whatever it is that is currently banned can cause whatever punishment it currently does… but inattention is not Broadly Offensive and is thus excusable.

I suggest, then, that artisans muse upon the following and consider incorporating such mechanisms into existing scripts, something which can be quite easily done whilst one is waiting for the resolution of all of the ARs one has filed on one’s enemies and business rivals, as well as one’s neighbours for their Broadly Offensive opinions, haircuts and choice of wallpaper. (One must consider that it will take an appreciable level of time for even Lindens to ban all of them.)

The following should be I believe replace the control mechanism of any weapon:

control(integer level, integer edge)
{
    if (level & edge & CONTROL_ML_LBUTTON) {
        llSensor("", NULL_KEY, AGENT, 96.0, PI/4);
    }
}

sensor(integer n)
{
    // Someone might be hit by the bullet!
    llOwnerSay("You have attempted to engage in an action which might
        involve a depiction of extreme or graphic violence. In order to
        keep Second Life safe I am reporting you to Daniel Linden.");
    llInstantMessage(
        "7083b3f7-6634-44b8-ac35-d55835286dee",
        llKey2Name(llGetOwner()) + " has been trying to depict extreme
        or graphic violence and needs immediate banning to keep us all
        safe."
    );
    // The above line actually _will_ IM Daniel Linden, and if you
    // incorporate it into a real script I take no responsibility for
    // your continued existence.
}

no_sensor()
{
    // No potential targets, fire away!
    shoot_bullet_or_whatever();
}

and I would advise that the following be present in any poseballs, just to be on the side of Safety:

changed(integer change)
{
    if ((change & CHANGED_LINK) && llAvatarOnSitTarget() != NULL_KEY) {
        llSay(0, "Get off me, you filthy pervert!");
        llUnSit(llAvatarOnSitTarget());
    }
}

A tip of the hat to the respected journalist Mr Hamlet Au, who has had considerably more success than I in eliciting a response from Channel Four Radio, whom I believe I mentioned earlier. I must say that Mr Au’s full piece is well worth reading, highlighting as it does the regrettable tendency of our men and women of business to slip into a most peculiar automatic argot when confronted with a question for which they appear to lack understanding, answers or interest. Below, however, you may find an extract:

“In the UK Guardian story,” I asked her (Natalie Schwarz), “you’re quoted as saying [Channel 4 is] ‘the first radio station to launch in Second Life’… Many members of the SL community have objected to your assertion of being ‘first’, because it discounts this pre-existing culture of SL-based radio as if it wasn’t even there. What would you say to them?”

Schwarz’s reply: “We do not discount the pre-existing culture of SL-based radio and respect it. What marks us out as different, is that we’re combining real life broadcasting with virtual world news and culture. Second Life is in a rapid period of change, one that is starting to see more traditional media channels combining with virtual worlds. This is a very exciting time, and we want to work with you and help it grow and flourish.”

I am left very little the wiser as to quite how the content of a station - even were it to be the case that this was the first radio station in Second Life referring to both the Other Place and the Grid, which I would doubt - has any connection with it being “the first to launch” in general. I suppose that one could narrow one’s definitions of the terms “radio station” and “launch” to such a degree that one is indeed the first radio station to launch, but in that case I am in fact the first resident of Second Life to build anything, if by “resident” you mean “diminutive ginger inventress” and “build” you mean “construct a giant lighthouse that actually looks a bit like a teapot”.

I must add at this point, as I am experiencing slight pangs of guilt for my sarcasm, that I am not at all offended by and am in fact quite keen on the projects behind these latest two “firsts” (the above, and also our first Tabloid, both referred to in Mr Au’s piece). I am always very encouraged to see new projects emerging to inform and entertain the good folk of the Grid, and at the moment I am not of the opinion that either tabloid or station will bring about the demise of existing organs. To be quite honest, the fact that the hectoring of residents is often put down to “jealousy” or “fear of the new” irks me not inconsiderably - no-one is more excited by novel developments than I, as we boldly march forth towards the Twentieth Century.

Said counter-criticism misses the point entirely, which is that nobody wishes to have their own achievements and the achievements of their peers publicly dismissed, and doing so then being surprised at the reaction reveals a lack of both research and understanding, the latter of not just Second Life but also humankind. Such a lack, I fear, does not reflect well upon anyone. I would be delighted to be proved wrong on this point and do of course keep a perpetually open mind.

Incidentally, there has been extensive kerfuffle concerning a new Automaton colloquially known as “CopyBot”, which demonstrates the capability of certain new systems to capture every single item that can be seen. The Herald has a piece on it with linked cinema of an early, crude version, but I was able to instruct it to copy me last night during a meeting of many Grid luminaries, with results both amusing and personally disturbing.

The copy was exact down to the last rivet, though the automaton itself is a mere clown, simply mirroring everything that one does, including one’s animations. It would disturb me considerably more to have an actual person mimicking my appearance but behaving differently. I do not expect any creation to allow the mimicking of one’s actual personality for some time to come, but when one spends a lot of time on one’s appearance, as residents of the Grid usually do, and one is intimately familiar with it as the representation of one’s self in a particular world, seeing it duplicated has a visceral effect, a sapping of a portion of one’s individuality. We are not all Taoists.

The potential legal, economic and social issues of being able to easily duplicate anything exactly are of course considerable and something upon which I may write at a future point. On one hand I am thrilled at Scientific Advance, on the other I am extremely concerned that folk receive their Just Reward for their efforts, even if it be merely recognition (something that I am mostly concerned with) and do not wish to see a world whereby there is no real exchange of effort.

I have no respect for the “Market” and despise the Invisible and Bloody Hand, but at heart Currency is a system that allows for resource distribution, the resource here being creativity and skill and effort. Furthermore, one’s land requires the input of Capital for it to survive. Already I see that some scoundrel is distributing copies of this Bot for a sum, and others are distributing its program for free. It is uncertain whether the simple remedy of Instant Messaging the Bot with the phrase “!quit” works with these versions, or whether, as with the one that I encountered, it requires deliberate confirmation first. Even if so it will not be long before such barriers are removed.

Perhaps the best solution that I have seen (excuse me for not being able to find the original) was referring to Mr FlipperPA Peregrine, saying that since everyone is his friend, nobody wants to copy his work, because nobody copies their friends’ work. Reader, will you be my friend?

It really is quite amazing what one can see in Second Life these days. This is a period of unprecedented innovation by all sorts of commercial entities, to whom we should be eternally thankful. After all, only in the past few weeks have we had the first company to launch in Second Life, the first tabloid newspaper to launch in Second Life and now - the first radio station to launch in Second Life!

Channel 4 Radio is also expanding into Second Life, claiming to be the first radio station to be based in the virtual world. Avatars can access the station through virtuallife.tv or listen through a portable virtual radio, and shows will include a dedicated Second Life community show.

Channel 4’s director of radio, Nathalie Schwarz, said listener interaction is important for the station. “Being the first radio station to launch in Second Life enables us to bring our range of programmes to new audiences who are interested in interactive content.”

Just imagine - a radio station inside Second Life! All this time, we have been able to play streaming audio in parcels, and not a soul ever thought to set up a radio station until this auspicious day. I suppose that this is why those such as Ms Schwarz receive sizeable remuneration, and we do not.

I can scarcely begin to comprehend the astounding level of creativity that these forward-thinking individuals exercise for the benefit of we poor benighted avatars. Just think of all of the things which we would not have were it not for the efforts of such folk:

• businesses
• clothes shops
• newspapers
• radio
• live music
• cars
• anything given away for free

What new wonders await us? Perhaps Playboy will launch the first lapdancing establishment in Second Life. Perhaps Clear Channel will be the first to put up annoying advertisements in public places. Perhaps Chiquita will introduce - and this may seem somewhat peculiar, but bear with me, I am feeling the influence of all these media visionaries - a banana that is also a phone!

I hope that you realise quite how lucky you are to be able to be a consumer in this brave new world - and if you ever considered yourself to have actually created something, I hope you also realise now that you didn’t, because it says in the Guardian that someone else was first. Anyway, we are little people, they are big people with expenses and Powerbooks and cocaine and such, and thus it is in the natural order of things that their achievements are noted over our little nonsense tinkerings. My friends, we truly live in an Age of Wonder, which begins anew with every Press Release!