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An explanation

I felt that I should write a final entry here to clarify recent events and the current situation.

What have you done?

I have removed every building and item of mine from the Grid, most notably, Caledon and New Babbage. (At least, I think I have; there may be a few bits and pieces left scattered about.) Ordinal Enterprises is no longer a functioning operation. I have not abandoned my land - for the moment I will hold onto it. It just won’t contain anything of significance.

I also do not plan to write any more in this Journal for a considerable time, though I may change my mind there.

Does this mean you’ve left Second Life?

In practice, I can't think that I will be around much in the immediate future - though I expect I will pop back occasionally, either in relation to work, or to feed the parcel meters.

My intention in doing these things was not to leave Second Life, but Ordinal Enterprises is (or was) such a significant part of my existence and day-to-day behaviour that without it, I find it hard to imagine what I would do now.

Why on earth would you do that?

This is quite a difficult question, and may not have a coherent answer at all, but I will do my best to produce one. It will, I expect, be very self-indulgent.

The purpose of Ordinal Enterprises

Originally, Ordinal Enterprises was a framework and context for the silly things that I built, providing me with a well-understood means of distribution (i.e. a “shop”) and a Victorianesque mercantile narrative within which the products could exist - which in itself then generated inspiration for further creations. The challenge of competing in the general marketplace, too, was stimulating; the narrative was always the most important part though, a framework in a world that, as is often pointed out, is otherwise a blank slate.

The Increasing Problem

For a while now I have found myself increasingly less productive in terms of producing items and scripts, and this is not for lack of ideas - I have been generating notebooks full of ridiculous concepts which I would then plan out as systems or items, enter onto my Lists of Tasks to begin, not do, avoid looking at for a while and then mark “someday/maybe”.

This is a painful process and I hate it. It makes me feel completely impractical and without any willpower whatsoever, particularly when I looked at the series of items that I had already created, back when the Grid was younger, which sat there as a constant reminder on the ground below my skybox, which I visited less and less frequently.

On the occasions when I entered Second Life at all, I found something to irritate me, and I would become bitter and argumentative and also fail to achieve anything. Quite often this would be a technical issue - rarely a severe one (grid and regions used to be far less stable and reliable, believe it or not) more often one that was just stupid. Alternatively, and increasingly more so recently, it would be a political or social issue arising from dictat or commentary or mistake or some such event. The list of recent topics in this Journal provides examples of the sort of thing.

I am not saying here, by the way, that this is all the fault of Lindens, or anything like that: I have, though, increasingly felt “this world is not for me”, particularly with issues such as the increasing split between “consumer” and “creator”, which I have written about previously.

The actual Removal

I decided yesterday to try once again, this time to clear out those projects which had been hanging around and making me miserable, sometimes for years. Just release the ones which were even vaguely saleable, perhaps for free, and then cross them off my list, mark them “done”. (I even came up with some more ideas for items while I was planning this - I had no intention of coming in to stop.)

Two things happened. Firstly there was the ridiculous business with the Avatars United site - by the way, I don’t blame the site itself for anything, it is quite clear about how it works and I’m sure does a great job in other contexts, what I am criticising is its immediate promotion as being for use in SL, without a thought to identity verification. Anyway, that business. Secondly, later on that evening, I had just finished the release steps for one of the products I had planned, boxing it, adding textures, final checks, even having made a video, and at the last stage I tested it with a friend and it began to show script permission errors.

I’m afraid that something broke at that point. First of all I decided not to release the item after all. Then I decided not to release any of them, and just delete them. And then I looked at the lighthouse and my little shop, and it just seemed to me that all this time I had just been fooling myself, that instead of it being an inspiration it was now a parody of something that I used to deeply enjoy; that I was using it to pretend that I was still enjoying it and that nothing had changed over the years, either in myself or in the wider world. So, I deleted it all.

Are you sure about all this?

No. Not at all. I’m afraid that I just couldn’t come up with any better solution.

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Warin Cascabel's picture
31 Jan201018:35
Warin Cascabel (not verified)

I am genuinely distressed to read this. Though you and I had met but once, and that only briefly, I had found your example inspirational - not only the products, which were fantastically imaginative and well constructed, but the whole avatar narrative as well (including on this journal).

I do understand the feeling of frustration, though, and I hope it will pass.

Anonymous's picture
31 Jan201018:52
Anonymous (not verified)

You'll be missed. During the time I spent on the grid, Ordinal Enterprises was an inspiration (not to mention a source of fun toys). I reached my breaking point with SL some time back, though, so I completely sympathize with this action.

I do hope our paths will cross again somewhere, somehow, in the multiverse.

Cubey Terra's picture
31 Jan201018:53
Cubey Terra (not verified)

Ordinal,

All I can say is that I understand wholly and completely the feelings you expressed here, since I have many times felt them myself and have come within moments of wiping everything and walking away. Second Life, though it can be often rewarding to a creative person, can be equally frustrating. I'm hoping that the rewards will continue to offset the frustrations. We'll see.

I hope you can find a way to turn this into a new start, maybe in a new medium. With every end, there's a new beginning. Everything experienced and learned in one place can be applied to create something new.

Best regards to you, Ordinal, one of SL's finest creatives.

-Cubey

Snickers's picture
31 Jan201018:55
Snickers (not verified)

Ordinal, was it anything to do with your distribution script?

And, I'm very sorry to hear this. I've gone through my share of ups and downs over Second Life. The culture has clearly changed and SL has lost a lot of its spontaneous, creative side. I suppose that's to be expected as everything is monetized, DMCA'd, griefed, webified, etc., etc. Unfortunately, I think Mark Kingdon thinks SL is just a game.

I hope you find your muse again in whatever it might be.

Graham Mills's picture
31 Jan201019:01
Graham Mills (not verified)

Saddened that you have terminated Ordinal Enterprises -- it was an inspiration to a young avatar -- but can understand your feelings about it and sometimes a clean(-ish) break is for the best. Whatever you do next, remember to be kind to yourself along the way.

Rhianon Jameson's picture
31 Jan201019:30
Rhianon Jameson (not verified)

Miss Malaprop, you've made the Grid - or, at the least, my little corner of it - more enjoyable for me and, doubtless, many others. (And I apologize, just a little bit, for lagging your property the many hours I spent with the Pudding Cauldron.) I've enjoyed this Journal, even if I don't understand half of it, and your witty discourse in ISC chat. If you're not getting back the same level of enjoyment, I understand packing it in. Life is too short to spend time and energy on voluntary activities that are ultimately no fun.

I do hope the fun returns, however. Until then, happy coding.

Fleep Tuque's picture
31 Jan201020:05
Fleep Tuque (not verified)

Not much one can say that doesn't echo the previous comments, but I'm compelled to post nonetheless. I wasn't surprised to see so many others post that you inspired them, because that's how I feel too - inspired by your scripts, by your ingenuity, by your attitudes about open source, by the services you provided, by the quirky, creative things you made, by your contribution to the discourse about SL on the web, by your sense of humor, by your videos.. the lists goes on.

You are one of the luminaries in my Second Life sky. Selfishly for me and all the zillions of other residents yet to come, I hope this is just a flickering and not total burnout forever and ever. Recharging perhaps?

Sending well wishes and respectful sadness,

- Fleep

Fogwoman Gray's picture
31 Jan201020:12
Fogwoman Gray (not verified)

Thank you for all you have done over the years to make SL a more rich and enjoyable place for us all. I look forward to running into you both in SL and perhaps in other corners of the metaverse as exploration and creation continues in other places. Be well.

Corcosman Voom's picture
31 Jan201020:13
Corcosman Voom (not verified)

Your explanation seems clear and concise, not at all self-indulgent. SL and its ancillaries seem more cumbersome by the day.

If only I had known my visit to the shop last week would be the last, I would have purchased everything that caught my eye.

C'est la vie. Best wishes to you for the future, Ordinal Enterprises was unique and you will always remain so.

Peter Guber's picture
31 Jan201020:20
Peter Guber (not verified)

You know, I just wish people would just say something honest like this:

"Hey, it was fun, but time to find other distractions".

Others have come before you, others will follow. You're not unique, you are not the only creative juice.

Been fun while you're here!

Rafael Fabre's picture
31 Jan201020:24
Rafael Fabre (not verified)

Dear Miss Malaprop,

Stunned to hear the news, but your circumstances are understandable. Not to re-hash what has been already posted, but your departure will be of a impacting loss to SL (in general) and to the Steamlands (in specific) - and your presence will be sorely missed, madam.

v/r,
Dr. Rafael Fabre

mari moonbeam's picture
31 Jan201020:41
mari moonbeam (not verified)

Dear Miss Malaprop--

I am so happy to have the parcel next to your shop--and watch people from ALL over the grid come and shop. I'd sit and profile click . All day -they would come and stay and wonder.

Well you said it best :

What is the purpose of this, I hear the gentleman at the back ask? Yes, you, sir. You look to me like some sort of clerk or other man of business, possibly even an accountant. Where is your soul, sir? Do you have no appreciation of the joys of simple creative activity? Begone with you, and run through the park with no shoes on until you have re-united yourself with the pleasures of experience rather than commerce, or until you tread on a squirrel, at which point you may stop so as not to cause further harm.

---
Ordinal Malaprop
2006-03-25

I hope you will want to come back later and run with us in the park. The park maintenance budget was cut and there are a lot of gopher holes but it's still a mighty nice park.

One that is lacking without you in it.

And I promise I'll post a "Parcel for Sale" notice as soon as I see you back in ,even if I don't own said parcel, ;p

With deep admiration ,

Mari

Jenn Forager's picture
31 Jan201021:01
Jenn Forager (not verified)

Dear Ms. Malaprop,

Your frustration is a sad thing which I regret deeply.Your contributions to Second Life, and the wonder and joy which your creations will continue to generate is very real, and believe me, your fellow citizens are most grateful. Thanks ever so much for all of your efforts, yours has been a bright light indeed, and you will very much be missed.

I too, can only hope that our paths shall one day cross again.

Kindest Regards,
Jennette Forager

Magdalena Kamenev's picture
31 Jan201021:02
Magdalena Kamenev (not verified)

Thank you, Dame Ordinal. You helped make the Grid a happier place, through your wonderful creations and your amazing spirit. Sorry I never got around to picking up the bee cannon, truly enjoying the triple snowball gun.

Be well. Take care. Thanks again.

Prokofy Neva's picture
31 Jan201021:54
Prokofy Neva (not verified)

I'm shocked and saddened and feel particularly apprehensive because I was talking to you in IMs all while you were thinking and doing this yesterday and I wish I had flown over to see you, and perhaps persuaded you to wait. Maybe board up the store, and close it for 90 days and then think about it or something...

But as I read this now (and I'm a veteran of all kinds of people making dramatic exits with pitiful dramatic stories) I can't help thinking, "Ordinal has always known how to tell a good story, and I suppose all good stories must come to an end..."

The Avatar United debacle irks me, too, and I realized with afterthought that the reason they want to drive us there is that it will be easier to track us and pitch ads to us. It feels like one of those new ugly highrises you see in Eurasia that the people are driven to after their quaint winding warrens of walled stone dwellings in the old city are demolished to make way for a new tourist hotel and a parking lot. Maybe the plumbing works better, but the views are boring.

As we were talking yesterday, I was clicking on this holodek blanket thing and it kept giving script errors. It had also turned transparent. I kept fooling with it and rezzing it and trying to see if there was something wrong with the land settings, and it kept erroring out. I guess more and more people have that experience. And I was talking to you about a tip jar precisely because the tip jar that someone kindly made for the land preserve is now broken and doesn't work as it used to...

What most stands out from what you are saying, however, is the issue of the gap between creator and consumer. For me, the entire Ordinal Enterprises experience was a narration, and I wasn't just a reader, but at least a walk-on character. There wasn't the gap to mind. I could take all the things you made and weave them into my own story as props -- like the exploding Christmas candies or the elaborate champagne dispenser (you'd laugh to find out I was planning a business tutorial that would have that as an illustrative example of a great idea to do a common thing; now I will have to turn it into a cautionary tale). Then there's the hat pin, which I'm saving for Desmond if he ever comes near me...And the Grid Protection Box, which hundreds of newbies sample on Ross every week...and so much more.

There's something incredibly noble and graceful about not blaming the Lindens, or a drama with another resident, or some other external force, but simply saying "This world is not for me." I hope I can be as dignified when it comes time for me to leave.

Promise us that when you come back on an alt, it will not be with a dorky name like Light Waves to make goofy sculpties that look like macadam.

Dale Innis's picture
31 Jan201022:18
Dale Innis (not verified)

Just to add my own voice to the flood of voices expressing their gratitude for what you've done and who you've been all this time. Thank you, and I hope I'm in the blast radius of whatever you decide to do next. So to speak. :)

Elspeth Woolley's picture
31 Jan201023:17
Elspeth Woolley (not verified)

Your wonderful designs were among the first items I heard about when I came into SL, always described with glee. Whenever someone mentions an unusual and delightful toy or weapon they just got, it's usually yours. My favourite is my flying umbrella, still. Thus, though I've only talked with you a few times, this makes me sad, while at the same time I understand perfectly. I think it's lovely of you to have written an explanation so the void isn't filled with questions.
One thing, though ... while your creations have been legendary for my whole SL existence, what I liked even more was your company. When you chatted in ISC, I would always stop and pay attention, certain to be instructed and/or entertained. You had me in stitches once at Endeavor Cove at a circus performance where, briefly, someone was being a dork and trying to pull various audience members into a scene. Your restrained, polite, but arch responses when he started on you were hilarious.
I quite understand that you would find dropping into SL only to socialise a rather aimless pursuit - I'm pretty sure I would, myself. Still, I will hope you sometimes will, because we are losing a great treasure of design, but we're also losing a rare and precious compatriot.
I wish you well, wherever the future takes you. Somewhere that you will again find that great sense of fun and joy that you once had on SL, I hope.

Thank you for everything.

Elspeth Woolley

Babbage Linden's picture
01 Feb201000:13
Babbage Linden (not verified)

Dearest Ordinal,

I'm very sorry to hear about this. I am finally finding time to work on the scripting platform again and have several projects under way that will hopefully make things less stupid. I was hoping very much to see you using them.

Hoping this is not the end.

Yours,

Babbage

Beezle Warburton's picture
01 Feb201000:27
Beezle Warburton (not verified)

Wishing you luck in whatever you undertake next.

Chaffro's picture
01 Feb201001:03
Chaffro (not verified)

Please don't leave.

You are an inspiration to creators everywhere that things *are* possible, no matter how extraordinary or implausible they seem in one's mind.

Magggnnus Woodget's picture
01 Feb201001:03
Magggnnus Woodget (not verified)

what a shame!
i wish you a very good fresh new start, whatever you decide to do next!

Mavromichali Szondi's picture
01 Feb201001:05
Mavromichali Szondi (not verified)

Sorry to hear that you've decided to shut Ordinal Industries.

You've been a real beacon to all the rest of us, showing us what SL can do, and pushing us to do better.

We'll miss you, but here is hoping you find something new to interest you, either in or out of SL.

All the best

Mav (Jägermeister)

Julia Hathor's picture
01 Feb201002:24
Julia Hathor (not verified)

Dear Ordinal,

I didn't know you personally, but did read at times what you have written, said, or replied. Your creations have shown a uniqueness and sense of humor that impressed me greatly. I've been touched by the underlying grace of your spirit that shows in all you do.

Although I never knew you personally, I will indeed miss you.

Erbo Evans's picture
01 Feb201002:54
Erbo Evans (not verified)

Madam,

To say that I was shocked and dismayed by your decision to shutter your unique business and depart the Grid, perhaps forever, would be a sore Understatement. Your Aethernet Journal of endeavours in Scripting and Enginery was among the influences and inspirations that compelled me to enter the Linden Realm in the first place, and though I have never had the chance to say so to your face, I owe you among others a great Debt for this, that I should never be able to repay with every Linden Dollar on the Grid.

My own disappearance from the world of late, as I have elsewhere noted, was a forced one, occasioned by the very real lack of income in the Real World with which to support my virtual life. Having secured Gainful Employment anew, I daresay that Madam Selenalore and I will return to the Grid's environs, on a limited basis, at some point...but I note in considerable Dismay the number of my friends and influences that have departed, with or without such notice. I begin to wonder if, in fact, Laboratoire Linden truly has lost its soul.

My very best of wishes to you and to your future endeavours, in whatever World or Worlds may be or come.

Erbo Evans

Samantha Fuller's picture
01 Feb201002:54
Samantha Fuller (not verified)

I was a neighbor for a while and was greatly encouraged and inspired by your work. I am hoping that you will respond to LL's petty stupidities in much the way i hope to, by moving out onto the greater Internet. Their are a number of grids based on the OpenSim platform that are very much like SL was a few years ago. What is needed is for pioneers not to move to one of those but rather to stretch out and span several. Rather like the west Indies company spanned the world, Sears catalog store spanned the midwestern United States and beyond, or Like Capitan Nemo roomed the seas. :D

Kara Spengler's picture
01 Feb201003:24
Kara Spengler (not verified)

Sorry you wound up leaving Ordinal, I hope things are otherwise okay with you.

I had not been keeping up with my twitter feed this weekend so was perplexed earlier when I went to the former location of your store and saw all of the signs people had left for you.

I agree that if LL owns avatars united there should be something in there to verify an account there belongs to the person with that username (hopefully without forcing us to give our SL password to them). Of course, they probably need to make a distinction between account name at AU and the names used in the various virtual worlds or they will have two people in different VWs having the same claim to a name.

You will certainly be missed. Most of us are only in SL as long as our friends are, and now quite a few people have one less reason to stay in SL.

Besides, who will we get our toys from now? :)

Dean Hall's picture
01 Feb201006:36
Dean Hall (not verified)

First: You will be missed. I was definitely inspired by your mechanical, period-appropriate designs, and you may have even turned my disdain for so-called "steampunk" affectation into something more like non-patronizing affection. You were certainly the first example I saw of someone genuinely having fun with creating in SL and releasing lots of stuff with full permissions, as if to say: I had fun; you have fun too.

I went through a period similar to this, though mine was more gradual. What initially gave me passion about Second Life was the ability to construct, to design, and to script pretty much anything I wanted. I cared much less about the social aspects and still do. What may summarize my ongoing frustrations with Second Life is that throughout college, when learning to program, I learned that the first place I should point a finger of blame when a program didn't work properly was myself. The programming tools, though imperfect, were highly unlikely to produce a program that did anything but exactly what I told it to do. Outside of academia, this is still largely the case, but the only environment that has ever frustrated me more to work with than Second Life is Windows. With some experience, I've learned (as you obviously have) to work around those nits when scripting, building, and texturing. The saving grace of Second Life is the content we create in it and the ability to do so much with it. It's a shame that the experience isn't more consistent.

At one point I found I hadn't logged in to SL for months. I took down my content, sold my land, and happily went about other things.

Now I'm back in SL on occasion, playing some music with and doing content creation for a friend, and, with caveats in mind, I'm having fun doing it again.

I don't mean to be preachy or patronizing. Your experience is doubtless different from mine. But I truly hope you'll be able to come back with expectations blunted by experience and renewed enjoyment some day.

Deanfred Brandeis/Dean Reuters

Aenea Nori's picture
01 Feb201006:36
Aenea Nori (not verified)

Dearest Ms. Malaprop:

I can only thank you for all the inspiration and humor and entertainment you've given me in my almost four years of avatar life in SL. You were one of the first SL blogs I ever subscribed to, and have never been surpassed in writing quality and wonderfully arch humor.

I too have mostly left the grid, but I was never as creative as you. But I lost the love, and try as I might I can no longer find a reason to motivate me to log in. This world has lost its spirit, and I can't truly blame anyone in particular, but that the moment of which I and you were here in SL has mostly passed.

I hope that you will find your peace, and another outlet deserving of your prodigious talents, and I hope that I will find you once again.

Thank you,
Aenea

Holocluck Henly's picture
01 Feb201010:21
Holocluck Henly (not verified)

I'm reading this here. We never knew eachother inworld but I always liked your things and your posts - when I bothered to read the forum.

This comes close to the heels of the rest of the ARMORD property going up for sale and the impending damage to the Nova Albion skyline. The Empire State Building wasn't built by the city of New York, but it's certainly a landmark that its line of property owners wouldn't think of demolishing.

Unlike ARMORD or the ESB, while your purge of a presence on the grid may have the same effect on people, I can understand when things clutter up and it's time to reevaluate one's purpose.

Maybe there's a need to go back to the beginning, but a different beginning. This place gave you joy and you could flick off technical issues off your shoulder like gnats.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that Second Life is big enough so that people one sees as idiots can do their idiotic things and never touch your life. In a way it's successful in making that possible.

As for Avatars United, LLL (Lazy Linden Labs) wanted a premade SocNet instead of build their own and assimilated an idling one. Will it undergo the same transition SLEX did and eventually require your SL login? No doubt after the BETA. Right now people are draining into it at breakneck speed. I don't need a SocNet exclusive to SL; for that there's Twitter Blogger and Flickr; short of linking to these on AU, there's not much original content they can expect from me. Think most people feel that way.

Anyway I hope you go back to some basics and just explore SL, and in the process find something inside which might be hibernating. You can always go back if that's your destiny. Or maybe there's something else you want to do for awhile, inside or outside. Best of luck in your travels OM. May they find you peace and recoup your spark.

Astolat Dufaux's picture
01 Feb201011:54
Astolat Dufaux (not verified)

I'd not had the fortune of meeting you, Dame Ordinal, but I feel the loss for never having met a person so admired by so many.

I am so sorry that it has come to this. I genuinely wish you the best.

Unguent Whitfield's picture
01 Feb201012:34
Unguent Whitfield (not verified)

Thank you. Others are more capable wordsmiths than I, so what more can I say?

Qie Niangao's picture
01 Feb201016:42
Qie Niangao (not verified)

You, Ms Malaprop, have long been my heroine, and we shall be less without you here.

(I fear I shall be less without you here.)

I hope you find satisfying expression for your wondrous imagination, in whatever world you choose.

Argent Stonecutter's picture
01 Feb201017:47
Argent Stonecutter (not verified)

This ferret has a sad. But not enough words to properly express it.

Nika Talaj's picture
01 Feb201018:02
Nika Talaj (not verified)

I can easily see how a creator's own life can reach a point where you just have to move on from a particular medium or environment. But you seem to suspect that Ordinal Enterprises was not worthwhile because it had ceased to bring YOU joy - but it was/is immensely worthwhile, for the inspiration and joy it brought to all of us whom you've never met, who visited and wondered and maybe picked up just one or two things, along with a load of ideas.

Then took them home and tore them apart and giggled at what we built, starting from your inspired silliness.

Had you left your store up, it would not have been a mausoleum of ideas, as you seem to feel ... there are always more newbies who need that bubble machine to get them started!

And oh, if I had known you were departing ... one final shopping trip!

*smiles* Thank you for what you gave us, and may your new days be filled with fresh ideas and the freedom to make them real.

Lord Sullivan's picture
01 Feb201018:06
Lord Sullivan (not verified)

Its always sad when a decent person leaves SL but take care and be happy in whatever you do now and in the future :)

Ceera Murakami's picture
01 Feb201018:13
Ceera Murakami (not verified)

This is quite sad to read. I will miss hearing of your efforts, and hope that whatever you do choose to spend time on in the future, that you find it rewarding. And yet, I can deeply empathize with you

I seem to have hit a similar stalemate in my own creativity. I have ideas, but just not the incentive to bother marketing them. Things that used to sell well have declined greatly, in some cases to zero sales and closing that business. Myself, I am still trying to "hang in there" with texture sales and custom sim building, but if I didn't have one very enthusiastic sim-building client who is still actively asking for my work, I would seriously consider pitching it in and cutting WAY back.

For me, I still have some social aspects in SL, that, while diminished, still keep me going.

The AU stuff... Meh. Not for me, thanks. But at the same time, I can just ignore it, like I do Voice. I think it will negatively impact those of us who do not rush to embrace it, but will wait and see.

brinda Allen's picture
01 Feb201018:23
brinda Allen (not verified)

Dear Ordinal...
I'm glad you've held on to your land.
Last year I saw Effulgent Brown leave SL. She returned for a brief visit a few weeks later after I & others IMed her.
She came to my SL home and we chatted for nearly an hour. One of the things she told me really struck a chord, she said that as she hit "abandon land" and cntrl Q....she thought 'my god what have I just done'.
Nearly a year later she did return.
I hope you do as well...while we have never met, I too have read what you've had to say.
I treasure those of you that came before me...

Diva Regina's picture
01 Feb201018:28
Diva Regina (not verified)

I join the chorus of those who will miss you. I understand the burn-out that can creep up with little warning.

As far as I'm concerned, "It's not fun anymore" is a perfectly reasonable justification for taking a considerable break from what used to feed you but is now draining dry. Take all the time you want. But, as you can see from the outpouring of good wishes, you made a positive impact on people and avatars alike and will leave a significant gap in the landscape.

Please continue to grace us with your presence, even if you have to wear a sign around your neck saying "No sympathetic urgings, please" to make it work for yourself. :-) We appreciate you for who you are as well as for the contributions you made.

Diva

Talarus Luan's picture
01 Feb201018:42
Talarus Luan (not verified)

Ordinal,

I completely understand your situation. I have had long, dry periods of burnout in SL myself. Times when I feel exactly as you do now. I have more projects than I can ever do, and the ones that I do get around to doing, it seems like I will never finish them. And then there are the "problems" -- bugs, policy BS, limitations of the system, and times when I want to reach through the screen and mutilate people (including especially Lindens).

Somehow, I've made it through. I guess, at the end of the day, the reason I am still here is a very simple one, exemplified best by this: a good friend shows up and reminds me how important my being here is to him or her, for whatever reason. Not just to experience my creativity, but to experience me. Me, with all my shining scales as well as my "warts".

Maybe that is something that has gone missing in your SL experience; I would hope not, as I can think of no one less deserving for such gifts of friendship, with as much as you've given to so many people. You always have my admiration and respect, and I would hope to have more opportunity in the future to express it in terms of friendship.

There are always a million little pieces of wisdom that people can offer at times like these; some may apply; many do not. Even still, the hope that something, anything that can be offered, will help is always present and is a good thing. In that light, I would proffer this:

The one thing I have found that never seems to change in the dark times is myself. Instead of pursuing the new and different, I get mired down, even anchored, in the old and the past. I never realize it, because I expect it to be this way. Forlornly and, perhaps foolishly, I expect the world then to change around me; for it to carry me into the future. That's not how I arrived at where I am; I led the charge to be here. Now that I am here, where I thought I would be happiest (or relatively close enough to it), I discover that what made me happy wasn't the arrival, but the "getting here". Most everyone can be happy with arriving at the destination of their dreams, and many can continue to be happy dwelling in them, even for an eternity. I, among others, simply cannot. I can enjoy a good night's (or even a few years') rest at any particular destination, but it is the journey that interests me and drives me. Denying that, I end up mired and stuck at my present destination, growing more unhappy and bored the longer I stay. It's not simply a physical destination, or even a virtual destination, but a metaphorical destination. Almost a mindset, if you will. It's only when I have the luck and the opportunity to see my situation from the outside do I realize what is happening and why.

Perhaps it applies to your situation to some degree; perhaps not. It does sound to me like you are at a crossroads, perhaps doing some re-evaluation. If so, and you find yourself in a similar situation, I would suggest this, as cliche as it might sound: BE the change (again) that you want in your life and experience. You were the change that got you to where you are in SL; you can do so again wherever you want to go, be it just someplace different *in* SL, or someplace outside of SL. Just don't forget that it is the journey that makes getting to the destination worthwhile, not simply the arriving.

Regardless of what you decide, or where you go, may the winds bear you safely and gently on your journey. I am always available, should you have need to call. :)

Loki Eliot's picture
01 Feb201018:52
Loki Eliot (not verified)

I loved your work, and enjoyed the clanky noises fro the factory next door to my cafe, i will miss that old place. There is logic in an artist clearing away all they have done to make way for new horizons.

may your new path be fresh and fullfilling :)

Frans Charming's picture
01 Feb201019:30
Frans Charming (not verified)

This is sad news. But honestly, I have mostly checked out of SL too. Doing very little there for my enjoyment.

I hope for us both that fun and inspiration will return, if not for SL then for something else.

Rhiannon Chatnoir's picture
01 Feb201019:46
Rhiannon Chatnoir (not verified)

Like many others that have posted comments to your post, I am saddened to see your presence & sense of building, style & whim depart from the grid.

I can understand many of your sentiments and often feel some of them personally myself. In some ways it feels akin to the speech Galadriel, from the Lord of the Rings, gives on her time coming to an end on Middle Earth and going gracefully into the West, towards the next leg of her journey. (maybe it's just the elf in me)

Whatever comes next for you in or out of Second Life, I wish the best for you and truly have been inspired by a fellow creative making their way in the metaverse that gave so much to those you met along the way.

travel well and we amazing...

Dedric Mauriac's picture
01 Feb201020:49
Dedric Mauriac (not verified)

Hello Ordinal. I'm going to miss your whimsical gadgets. I remember when I lived next to you a few years ago (a little boy in a green suite), that you had a chocolate egg that I could fly around Caledon. The twitter tweet gadget was the first of it's kind. I also remember the idea behind your lighthouse being charged with solar batteries (or some sort). You always had some amazing ideas (inventing the slurl.com site for example). I think what I'm trying to say is, we all remember your crazy fun gadgets.

As a creator of gadgets, I too have had these feelings from time and again. Many of the things I make for my own personal enjoyment, but starts to become a burden when concentrating on selling them. Don't fret over them. It will come to pass and you'll find something to enjoy again. Don't put too much emotion in feeling that you are not accomplishing anything. You've done tons of stuff.

Gomi Mfume's picture
01 Feb201022:31
Gomi Mfume (not verified)

thank you, Ordinal, for making my time in SL all the more fun.

i've never known you terribly well, and don't have anything to say that others haven't expressed more eloquently than i could.

so i'll just say thank you, and wish you all the best.

Cat Cotton's picture
01 Feb201022:31
Cat Cotton (not verified)

I have no words of wisdom, no story to tell, I just want you to know you do inspire ppl with what you create and for that alone I am grateful that you exist.

Cat

Rosmairta Kilara's picture
01 Feb201023:02
Rosmairta Kilara (not verified)

I read your missive with sadness. Your creativity and example will be missed. May you prosper in whatever realms your wanderings take you.

Allegory Malaprop's picture
01 Feb201023:50
Allegory Malaprop (not verified)

Like many others, those above me here and many who haven't spoken, I shall miss you. You are one of the people who made the Grid the fantastic wonderland (in spite of occasional...and not so occasional...mismanagement) it is, those who saw the potential here and went for it.

I wish I could say I didn't know exactly where you were coming from, but I fear that your thoughts on these matters echo my own far too much. If I didn't have an ever growing list of obligations and projects to keep me occupied without giving the space to say "is this worth it?", I might well be following you out. Or, perhaps, even preceded, it's been something weighing heavily on my mind for quite some time, as bad decision has followed bad decision. As your far more indelicate cousin, I want to yell at the Lab "stop shitting on what I love!" They seem to be heading in a direction that many disagree with, and sadly, I doubt you will be the last of those who made Second Life what it is to leave in disillusionment.

I thank you for everything you have done to open doors for the rest of us, to shape the world of the residents into something that is just a little bit more fantastic and has just a bit more potential for greatness. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, though a small selfish part of you hopes that some day you shall change your mind and return.

-Allegory Malaprop (no actual relation)

Stefan Andersson's picture
02 Feb201000:09
Stefan Andersson (not verified)

Ordinal,

although I had already checked out of SL when I first encountered your whimsical, creative and exquisite doodadery I saw enough of it to realize that this is in truth a major loss for the inhabitants of the Linden Grid.

I can only hope you find the energy to come back, or find another public outlet for that wonderful childish joyfulness that is so evident in all your creations.

Love,
/Stefan

Ancient1's picture
02 Feb201000:40
Ancient1 (not verified)

I understand. I left SL for a couple months, closed down my 17,000+ meter estate and store, deleted a lot of stuff in the process. I'm back in world again, this time on 2058 meters of really crappy mainland with a windowless store I almost never leave as I don't seem to want to interact with the SL outside world anymore. I build on the roof top an hour or so a week, leaving projects unfinished for weeks at at time. No one hardly comes to my store, and I don't desire to list products on Xstreet SL, and that is okay with me. I totally understand your not knowing if this is right or not. Maybe we just outgrow SL and our desire to spend time in SL comes to an end in fits and starts. I reached the point of why am I spending time doing this when I could be equally as creative in RL several times. For now, I pay $15 bucks a month for some virtual space to build stuff in and I have a suspicion that even this too I will get tired of. It was fun reading your blog and I wish you the best.

Alyx Sands's picture
02 Feb201001:15
Alyx Sands (not verified)

Dame Ordinal,
many before my have found better words (and I find myself, surprisingly, agreeing with Prokofy on something-Ordinal Enterprises WAS like a chance for all of us to have a walk-on part in a story we enjoyed.), and I find myself lacking my usual verbosity, such as when I'm angry at something, so I'll make it short.

I will miss you and your endeavours very much, and as Argent put it - I has a sad, and a mighty big one at that. The Grid loses a really unique person in you.

I keep hoping though.

Yours truly,

Alyx Sands