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Citizens, Rejoice!

Citizens of the Grid! We have heard you clamouring outside the palace gates, unquietened even by the regular rezzing of Cake, and, truly and honestly, read and inwardly digested every message that reached us tied around a rock and launched through a window.

We appreciate that our initial plans to raise the price of all sims to $1000 per minute might have caused some alarm, and we have no intention of stifling the boundless creativity of our subjects. However, it must be said that many of you have been excessively naughty, and used things which are clearly outside of the stated use of Second Life (dancing, selling hair, looking at prim fish). For instance, many of you have been using megaprims - we have been shocked to discover this - and also such scripting techniques as WarpPos.

Our keen ears have detected that you wish to have a greater variety of potential options for your sim hosting.

  1. Those of you who used the sims as originally intended - chatting, copybotting, selling Siggy's waterslide - want that product at the original price point and demand clear and strict discipline regarding usage, or perhaps just clear and strict discipline in general.

  2. Some of you have built businesses on your sims, set your rental rates or built your groups and although you acknowledge - or at least you damned well will, once you have met the Green And Purple Waterboard - you built more than we say was intended but did nothing to prevent, a large and rapid price change is too much for you to absorb.

  3. Some of you built creations that were between a huge empty hole in the ground and a floating elephant farm and want some kind of "proper region lite" product - a lower price point than a normal region but with the ability to build a certain amount of content.

On this basis, here is how we will be amending our pricing structure and offering you more choice.

  1. We are going to retain the sim product at its original price range and its original intended use (Linden trees, plywood, pyramid schemes etc). We will have technical limitations to help regulate their use, but will eventually get around to randomly destroying your scripts. Please apply in writing including your passport and grandmother's birth certificate - originals only - to continue any sims you might have under this plan.

  2. If you want more than a sim we will offer you the choice of moving to a new product called NewSims that is intended for use such as rental, mall building, art gallery construction and so on. These will have the same restrictions that we had for sims under the original price range but shhh. The price for these will be the previously-announced $1000 per minute, and all of your sims will be upgraded to this new and unprecendented level of service unless we receive a letter signed in your blood by next Tuesday begging us not to. (DNA checking on the blood concerned will be carried out by Aristotle, who have not really done a lot else for us lately.) We retain the right to randomly destroy your scripts, only we promise not to do it quite so much.

We believe this is fair.

I would like to finish with the following: recently, we have been quite successful in persuading everyone that Second Life is more reliable, and indeed many of you have agreed, except on the weekends when you are trying to use group chat and find all of your carefully-planned witticisms appearing back to front. Substantially. Period. Our breakthroughs are particularly noteworthy, because they are worthy of note. But you people do insist on abusing your sims with tortured toruses and LOD-tailored sculpties and all of those things that we told you you shouldn't use. We are deeply committed to improving the world - even in the face of what is basically griefing on your part.

I look forward to seeing the number of pages in the Forum approach 100 in a short space of time. Ideally, you should attempt to reach page 100 at 11pm on Sunday as that is when my time is for the sweepstake.

rightasrain's picture
06 Nov200806:19
rightasrain (not verified)

you missed the post-script -- and we would also like to reiterate that while we enjoy experimenting randomly on residents and watching their reactions, we can assure you that no animals have ever been harmed in our lab.

p.p.s. we would also like to thank Jack for his unending dedication to confusing the speculators who have been funding our land mass growth for no real personal gain and we are planning to send Jack to Cuba for holiday.

radar's picture
06 Nov200806:50
radar (not verified)

Humorous, and LL is definitely weaving around on policy like a drunken sailor. But I don't see how anyone can not find the grid more stable than ever, it really is. Perfect? No. Good? Yep.

The problem with disgruntling people which LL needs to finally learn is that, once disgruntled, people then move into a state of always finding the offender to be the bad guy, and always assuming malice, incompetence, and ill-will in everything thereafter. That's the state a lot of SL'ers who've figured out how to blog are currently in.

The Openspaces Exodus Scenario (A Roadmap) | VintFalken.com's picture
06 Nov200806:58
The Openspaces Exodus Scenario (A Roadmap) | VintFalken.com (not verified)

[...] What do you think will happen with the current 13,000 Openspaces on the Second Life Grid? And how will this effect the SL (virtual) land industry and SLeconomy? We know at least 6 ‘voids’ are being put to virtual - but hopefully painless - sleep. What about those remaining 12,994 Openspaces? Which percentage will remain ‘Void’ and how many will be converted to respectively Homesteads and Private regions? Will this have a positive effect on land prices and mainland occupancy? And so forth. We’ve heard M. talk, now share your opinions! (Prefer a good laugh - or at least a grind - in the mean while? Go and read Miss Ordinal’s Citizens, rejoice! [...]

hugobiwan zolnir's picture
06 Nov200806:59
hugobiwan zolnir (not verified)

/laugh
Perfectly written at the right moment:)
King Mark will like.
Best regards from France.
http://twitter.com/hugobiwan

Cinco Pizzicato's picture
06 Nov200808:00
Cinco Pizzicato (not verified)

The word you're looking for is 'kabuki,' in it's current political usage.

Jack: "I am the bad guy who wants to take away your open sims!"

Rabble: "Booooo!"

M: "I speak with reason about moderation and consideration and longer timetables (but arrive at essentially the same outcome by July 2009)!"

Rabble: "Yay!"

Meanwhile.... SLim? Immersive Workspaces 2.0? All the connectivity minus the culture. I'm beginning to think LL views the culture of the place it created as a liability.

I don’t care who you are, that’s funny…. « Misty is Foreverl's picture
06 Nov200811:23
I don’t care who you are, that’s funny…. « Misty is Foreverl (not verified)

[...] that’s funny…. If you have been following the OSR nightmare, please go over to ordinal maliprop cause that’s just [...]

kesseret's picture
06 Nov200822:26
kesseret (not verified)

haha and we ate it all with a spoon. *sigh*
Thank you for making me smile while I am still getting shafted.

London Spengler's picture
07 Nov200801:30
London Spengler (not verified)

It has been delightfull to read a so funny (even if you probably overdid at the 1000%/minute :-p) and at the same time ironic post.

Thank you :-)

Maggie Darwin's picture
07 Nov200803:34
Maggie Darwin (not verified)

I do not recall megaprims being mentioned in this embroglio. Until now.

I continue to find amusing the widely mooted idea (both here and in less steam-driven and more Bolshevik environs-- hello, Mr. Neva!) that Homestead regions are the "original product". They are in fact what Dr. Frankenstein Linden's collation became, once subjected to the Electrical Force of cut-rate landbarons manqué.

Insofar as I can see, the "original product" continues to be offered at the original price, with the original terms...albeit such terms will actually be *enforced* now, the strategy of prevailing upon Everyone's Inherent Sense of Fair Play and Green-Griddedness appearing to have fallen to footpads and highwaymen.

Meanwhile, the Adam of Herr Frankenstein's Labours has been given his own space in which to be, and his own price to be paid for being there.

von Moltke's observation about plans and first contact has been proven again.

Inara Pey's picture
07 Nov200809:59
Inara Pey (not verified)

Sir,

Thank you, thank you for listening so attentively to our fears and proceeding with your original game plan. Your desires for SL are indeed unfettered and in full career! We can only stand in wonder at your mightily clever moves to shaft....er, furnish us with such service.

I, of course, will be providing the necessary blood (decanted in crystal, I assume?) to ensure that from next year I can continue to log into your Great Service, since no doubt your plans to demand a pint of blood per log-in are now well in hand.

Pray tell, with the wonderous rush into the 2D splendour of "immersive experiences", when can we expect the joyous return of the Hair-up-bum results of inter-region Teleporting? This has so sorely been missed that we are certain you'll have it earmarked as a sure sign that one more, you are delivering quality services to your suckers....er, residents...

However, enough of this. I'm off to exhume my grandmother to ascertain the whereabouts of her birth certificate so that I am not one to miss out on this marvellous offer from you....

I should still be on strike… « Petros Miklos Wanderings's picture
07 Nov200822:58
I should still be on strike… « Petros Miklos Wanderings (not verified)

[...] You can read the translations -here- [...]