September 2007

Well, I did say that I would release the thing, and so I have. In practice I decided to charge the princely sum of L$0 for it, including two sets of appropriate official flags; anyone wishing to leave a donation to offset my Uploading Charges is more than welcome, but I dare say they will not bankrupt me.

The Semaphore Animation Device is available from my Caledon shop of course, and also from ShopOnRez. (I am afraid that I do not have the patience these days to list items on SLExchange, certainly not ones from which I gain no monetary reward.)

A lengthy page of instructions is available for the benefit of insomniacs, and for those who are still not asleep, the main script itself is also viewable.

The item itself is not transferrable. Whilst regular readers will be aware that I am not the most assiduous in pursuing Resellers of my Free Items, counting it as one of the consequences of releasing items that are both Copiable and Transferrable, that is not to say that I like it when some reprobate grabs things which I set out and re-packages them as part of some godawful “Business In A Box”. In actual fact I do not object too much if a New Resident decides to scour the Grid for free items for which he or she may con some Even Newer Resident out of a few coppers - at least some effort goes into that practice, and it may be said that they perform a service - but the industrial reselling of Free Items is something which annoys me somewhat.

Furthermore, this morning, when I approached someone in their appallingly-textured shop and politely requested that they cease selling my Grid Crash Protection Box for monetary gain (I have no illusions that such action is technically punishable by what Laws of the Land exist, very little is, but as a Free Citizen I am quite at liberty to make that sort of request with ethical justification, particularly as there are clear notices indicating that these things are Not For Resale) I was treated to a dull little lecture about how “we don’t own anything therefore I can sell anything” and how I should read the Terms Of Service, as if I had not read them enough times to be able to repeat them verbatim.

This annoyed me, even though said seller did in the end remove my products - apparently customers had been complaining that the Grid Crash Protection Box did not actually protect them! perish the thought - and thus I am disinclined at this time to offer copiable and transferrable items, even though many fine folk would find this convenient.

I do apologise for this tangent.

Hello World - in Semaphore from Ordinal Malaprop on Vimeo.

Well, that is really just a title to grab Attention, but I have been this evening working on a script which translates Letters and Numbers into the waving of Semaphore Flags (in the above case, in the Oscar pattern). The message sent there should be fairly easily deciphered. I think that it is all correct, but to be quite frank, I cannot myself easily decipher Semaphore, thus I may have missed a detail.

The script, however, will interpret anything said on channel 9 into a series of such gestures, and one is advised to have Flags or Beacons or some such in hand so that onlookers may more easily receive the signal. Given sufficient time, I shall post the script here for general consumption. (I shall also provide a set of flags and the scripted attachment for sale at a very small cost, in order to recoup my uploading expenses for the Animations and such.)

Addition: Please see my following post for details of how to obtain the thing.

Alas, due to a severe attack of the vapours, I have been unable to complete any Journal Entries recently, and therefore wish to post (for your edification) the thoughts of my semi-estranged semi-clerical brother, Cardinal Malaprop, who sends me letters from the Vatican on unpredictable occasions. At least he claims that they are from the Vatican, though I suspect that he is merely skulking in the Whitechapel backstreets somewhere and occasionally stealing some incense to scent the missives.

Dearest Ordinal,

I have been considering the Nature of that Thing that you term Second Life recently, and have come to some surprising conclusions about its Insufficiency, as have many Luminaries. Whilst the chattering coffee-house types with their portable Aetherial Eye-Phones may laud Second Life as the best thing since the invention of the Bread-Slicing Machine, even to the extent of many Periodicals publishing breathless articles on the subject, I must say that (despite the fact that I have never visited the world and do not ever wish to do so) I have now scientifically proved that it is at heart inferior for any Sensible Purpose, and that anyone Business-Minded should instead be investing in Kittens.

Here are the points of my thesis, numbered for quick and easy reference as I know you are forgetful.

1. Reliability. In contrast to your so-called Grid, which pops up and down like a bat on a bellpull, kittens provide continuous and reliable service for years, at least until they mature as a platform and become cats. Far better than any Lab has proven able to provide!

2. Popularity. The ridiculous claims regarding the number of “Residents” of Second Life have been comprehensively proved false in the literature, and it is well known now that the population of Second Life is in fact you, Mr Warren Ellis and a dozen-odd confused adolescents who were looking for the Penguin Club. In contrast, the number of Kitten Users is vast, I estimate approaching the Thousand Millions.

3. Scalability. A mere forty or so “Residents” may be present in any “sim” at one time in Second Life, I hear, and even then only if they are willing to bear the trial of moving as if they were in a gluepot. Whereas a single Kitten can provide joy to anyone within petting distance, and what is more, any number of kittens may be present at a location at any one time! Why, I have seen baskets of the things, surrounded by cooing children and maids, and at no point did any of them freeze, disappear or have their boots relocate to their behinds.

4. Cost. To “reside” in Second Life requires not only a fee to some dubious Colonial “Laboratory”, but also the expenditure of considerable resources on an Engine able to view it, as well as on one’s Aethernet Communications. Kittens, however, come free, with indeed some low folk even disposing of them at times, and require nothing more than the odd piece of fish for their upkeep. Another point for Kittens I feel!

5. Propriety. Second Life, as the world knows, is a haven for the most appalling perversions and indecencies and outright affronts to nature, whereas Kittens are perhaps the things that most embody the term “Friendly to the Family” yet known to mankind. Would a Man of Business be more ashamed to associate his product with ranting criminal pornographers, or a fluffy bundle of inherent goodness? I think the answer is clear.

Thus, quod erat demonstrandum. I do worry about your continued obsession with this nonsense, dear Sister, and as I know you have thoughts that you are some sort of Scientist, I feel that disassembling what should be clear in any case into unarguable Logical Points may persuade you. Failing that, at the very least my extensive experience of the world of Commerce (as you know I have been Chief Executive Officer of literally dozens of firms!) may influence anyone coming across your public Journal not to waste their shillings on proven claptrap. Kittens, dear fellows, kittens!

Your loving Brother,

Cardinal

P.S. My latest enterprise, a Chap-To-Chap Kitten-Sharing endeavour, is going splendidly, and if you receive any enquiries I would be grateful if you would forward them to me forthwith.

I am not quite sure what to make of this and thus will place it here unedited, but I feel I must mention that the last time I met my brother was when he was up on Weights And Measures charges, for weighing Oranges on an Apple scale.