Announcing the Candidacy of Iron Plato

Introduction

Welcome, reader! You are first of all to be commended on your initiative and willingness to entertain new ideas, evident in your investigating these Campaign Materials in the first place.

The Punched Cards As Law Party is very pleased to announce the candidacy of the automaton Iron Plato for the role of Governor of Second Life, a role which is shortly to be vacated. It is obvious to us that the activities of Humans in managing the Grid have been sorely lacking in Efficacy and Efficiency, and it is now time for Logic and Rationality - as expressed by Machine - to take their rightful place as the rules by which society must be governed.

To this end we have worked day and night to produce a Thinking Machine, known as Iron Plato and capable of solving every problem known to Resident through the remorseless application of A Priori Logic, and we wish to propose its candidature here. Please do read further and you will be convinced that this, indeed, is the entity that you would be best advised to vote for.

About Iron Plato

The Automaton known as “Iron Plato” is the culmination of many years of work by the men and women of the Punched Cards As Law Party (PCALP) to create a Thinking Machine so powerful it will be able to solve the problems of the Grid with fairness and justice, in the time it would take a human being to say “try clearing your cache”.

Unlike most candidates for Governor, Iron Plato is entirely free of scandal, and is immune to Bribery, Sexual Influence and the Corruption of Power. His intellectual capacities are of the highest calibre (as opposed to Political Figures more interested in Port and Ribaldry than Maths and Philosophy) and, with a full head of steam, he has the physical power of one and a half full-sized locomotives.

Manifesto

While Iron Plato is currently still engaged in the automatic process of devising solutions for every problem in Society - a process expected to finish some time in the next year - and thus unable to specifically deliver a precise manifesto, the following positions on Matters of Import have been divined by his principle attendant, Ms Ordinal Malaprop, through careful examination of the movements of his brain-gears.

On the matter of GRID STABILITY, Iron Plato clearly has a huge advantage over other candidates, as being a machine himself he is able to intrinsically understand the issues involved. As well as this, you as a voter can be assured that Iron Plato has a keen personal interest in maintaining the integrity of the Grid and improving its performance, since it supports the functions of his very mind. Iron Plato will spare no effort to make sure no-one is henceforth made to suffer the indignities of Lag, Sim Crashes, Region Crossing Mishaps and Prims in the Behind. In addition, on being elected Governer, Iron Plato will install Havok 5 as soon as possible; why wait for those concerned to develop it? (If, when this is read, Havok 5 actually exists, kindly substitute Havok N+1 where N is the current version.)

As concerns ENFORCEMENT OF MORALITY, you may be assured that Iron Plato has no interest in preventing humans and others from engaging in whatever perverted activities they may wish to, as he does not comprehend these sorts of fleshy desire in the first place. (There is some indication from certain subroutines that he considers all such things equally disgusting.) Only when said activities encroach on unwilling others, or when Other-World Policemen threaten to prevent the operation of the very fabric of the world, would he dispatch the constabulary - and then, with the clearest and most transparent explanations, laid out in an easily-readable punched-card format for all to see.

Many are concerned about GRIEFING AND CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES, and Iron Plato inherently rejects Chaos and Criminality from the very fabric of his metal being - such things are anathema to the principles he was built on. It therefore goes without saying that the iron fist in the iron glove will be employed whenever Cheaters, Thieves and Vandals are encountered, and Iron Plato’s superior mechanical Mind will construct appropriate retaliatory measures.

AGE VERIFICATION has exercised the pens of a number of the luminaries of the Grid, and the proposals have disturbed a number more. Iron Plato, understanding the issues around the protection and gathering of Personal Information, has no intention of engaging unreliable third-party philosophers in this matter, preferring to keep all relevant data stored in his own vast subterranean archives.

Regarding VOICE, Iron Plato will reject wasteful proposed systems and instead introduce IronVoice (patent pending), which is able to broadcast the exact tone and timbre of one’s own gears and steam engine to all in the vicinity. In all tests, even with the sadly flesh-driven and engine-less, this has proven to be considerably more informative than the whistles, coughs and general inanity common in more traditional and less innovative Vocalisation.

Finally, the issue of EXTERNAL AUTOMATA which seek to Swoop upon Land, record Details of the Activities of Residents, et cetera - while he has been constructed by forward-thinkers and the commercially-minded, Iron Plato has no sympathy for lesser Automata constructed without appropriate Foresight, and which are unable to comprehend the Philosophical Import of their actions. (Iron Plato actually has no sympathy for anything or anyone at all, but that is not particularly relevant here.) So-called “Bots” will be consigned to the scrap-heap with mechanical ruthlessness should they begin to interfere with the Grand Plan of General and Mathematically-Sound Happiness.

The above is but a small part of the product of Iron Plato’s mighty mechanical mind, but even so surely indicates to any Thinking Resident that Iron Plato is the candidate of choice in the forthcoming Gubernatorial Elections.

About the Punched Cards As Law Party

The Punched Cards As Law Party (PCALP) began life as a small discussion group of like-minded Intellectuals, Inventors and Entrepreneurs, examining the role that the marvels of the Steam Age, unhindered by human weaknesses, could play in eliminating war, disease, hunger and rivet shortages. It quickly became clear that without action in the political as well as technical spheres, those weak and corrupt humans currently in power would simply prevent any such a move, or - worse - take control of the Inventions concerned and use them for Evil.

The philosophical basis of the Party quickly developed with the aid of the Aetherial Telegram (commonly known as the “Aethernet”). This is a forward-thinking, clear-headed group, recognising that for all our sakes a partnership is essential between steam and iron on the one hand, and flesh and blood on the other, if Mankind is to progress and not destroy itself in an orgy of irrationality.

Justice, previously decided upon and enforced by weak and partial Policemen, Lawyers, Judges and Rulers, will be the purvey of the impeccable logic and rationality of the Difference Engine, and stacks of bright new punched cards will replace dusty law-books. The Machine, not prey to the Hatreds and Emotions so common in Man, will be not ruler but partner in a future so bright that one will surely be required to wear smoked-glass spectacles. It will be punched cards, not flowery speeches, which determine the nature of the world.

Within the group there are of course different factions, with some going so far as to consider that they might wish to replace organs of their Bodies with Machine Parts of brass and clockwork, but all are convinced that we cannot remain as we are.

All ties with the Confederation of Evil Geniuses were severed in 1894, and the twirling of moustaches is now prohibited by Party regulations.