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Heaven Knows

...that I am not the World's greatest Complainer. God forbid.

I am sorely dissatisfied with the current state of the Universe, though. I have been absent for a little while due to OtherWorldly pressures, and I see that, on my return, everything is appalling.

Perhaps if all that one does is walk about in a small area and maybe teleport occasionally or trigger off the odd poseball or two, things are all right. I, myself, am hardly the habitual traveller. However, it takes very little to terminally disturb anyone using a vehicle. I am sitting here composing this piece on my Automated Dirigible, which takes a tour around Caledon, and every movement that it makes is jerky and awkward. Even though it is a regular physics-powered vehicle moving fairly slowly, it bumps forward at a rate of once per second, like a child's cart kicked by the child's friends.

This is not what I became an inventrix in Second Life to explore. When the Master of Balloon-Related Transport on the Grid, Cubey Terra (and all scripters and designers should acknowledge their debt to he and Apotheus Silverman - thank you Illyria for the correction) declares that he is grounding all of his automatic vehicles, things have gone seriously wrong.

I will be keeping up my automatic vehicles, but, you know... I grow tired. I grow tired of having to chivvy landowners to spare a few prims for the passage of the tram, gawdblessya, I won't spend it on drink, honest to goodness. In previous ages, this was not an issue; nothing has been proposed to return this functionality, regardless of how many times I have mentioned it.

I grow tired of having my Instant Message box filled with nonsense reports from my automatic vehicles telling me how they are unable to enter a certain parcel. I grow tired of not knowing that even the simplest movement script will continue to work after I have left it.

I grow tired. And sooner or later I will fall asleep completely. I am sure that nobody will notice.

Shockwave Plasma's picture
12 Feb200708:14
Shockwave Plasma (not verified)

Dear Ms Malaprop,
I also commented on the sad state of Air transport, but a light did shine in that Qarl Fizz, is now Qarl Linden. A noted balloonatic of the highest order.

I have yet to ask him if this was a event like a laying on of hands from the Grid Emperor, or being hit by lightning, or like joining the Stonecutters ( funny hats etc ).

But I have some confidence, that the real Universe will be safe for Balloons and hopefully Trams one again.

Virrgina Tombola's picture
12 Feb200711:57
Virrgina Tombola (not verified)

Miss Malaprop,

I have yet to have the honour of meeting you in person, but I have ridden your dirigible more than a few times, and spent a gleeful half hour (I am quite serious) playing about with your excellent elevator!

I should hate to think that such vexations would diminish your enthusiasms for further vehicular ventures, but I must admit that I, too, get irritable when going for a simple cycle or fliver ride about Caledon. Losing one's vehicle at every crossing, not to mention the occasional hat-in-bustle experience, is beyond distressing.

I do hope it all is fixed soon--I yearn to soar free, or at least trundle timourlessly!


Miss Virrginia Tombola

Coyote Momiji's picture
12 Feb200713:47
Coyote Momiji (not verified)

Dear Miss Malaprop,

I would notice.


Coyote Momiji

Jaymin Carthage's picture
12 Feb200713:59
Jaymin Carthage (not verified)

Ms. Malaprop,
I share you vexation. I put away my Etherflyer some time ago because of such issues. Even my present activity, which mostly is involving communicating between this world and the next, is mostly an exercise is pitting ingenuity against limitations. It is my hope that the influence of my colleagues can be used to suggest directions the powers that be might take to solve these and other issues of scale. It is, after all, what we are known for.
While few would miss my computational seances, the world would be much poorer without your efforts. That your accomplishments are oft quoted in the press is testament to this.
In faith,
Jaymin Carthage

CronoCloud Creeggan's picture
12 Feb200715:37
CronoCloud Creeggan (not verified)

Ms. Malaprop;

Considering that during my regular adventures on the Grid, I see framerates not above 6fps most of the time and much of the time below that, I can understand your consternation. But vehicles have always been a troublesome lot, much fond of vexing their owners with unexpected behaviour.

But don't disappear into the Aether, your good humor and your knack for inventing useful weapons and apparatus would be missed, even outside of Caledon. Verily, even on the mainland you have a reputation for quality goods.

Perhaps a few personal complaints to King Philip from such an august learned personage as yourself might convince him to get his clackers working on the problem posthaste.

CronoCloud Creeggan

Illyria's picture
12 Feb200723:37
Illyria (not verified)

Just a minor correction, the seldom celebrated scripting genius behind Abbotts's automated touring crafts is Apotheus Silverman, not Cubey. Apotheus is also the scripting force behind the terra chute system as well, if anyone deserves a tankard raised in their honour it'd be Apotheus.

Here is hoping LL figures out their issues before we lose anyone, yourself included mistress. Good day.

Tancread Oates's picture
13 Feb200701:09
Tancread Oates (not verified)

Take a break. I have put my account on park and am waiting for a little more stability before I come back to play for real. They hyper acceleration of members, whether real or hype has distracted the Lindens from the actual experience, it won't last. They will have to get back to delivering on the backend sooner or later. Catch a breath, read a book. Come back in a month or two.

Adri Saarinen's picture
13 Feb200702:31
Adri Saarinen (not verified)

Miss Malaprop,

I, for one, would notice. Your absence would be sorely felt by those that ardently admire you and your work, and, I dare say, many who do not, whether they know it or not.

Your frustrations are felt and understood and mirrored by many of us regular denizens of The Grid. You are not alone, but we suffer in solidarity because of the dream of what the Grid is, and what it can be, and what it will be.

Sincerely and with the utmost hope of your continued presence,

Miss Adri Saarinen

Erbo Evans's picture
13 Feb200703:26
Erbo Evans (not verified)


I can but add my voice to the chorus that have already corresponded with you on this subject. Within the limitations--and, make no mistake, there are many--of the world in which we dwell, your creations, of which I own a fair number, are some of the most innovative and unique available anywhere. I should be most distressed to see that creative voice silenced, for any reason.

Your plaints are, of a certainty, well-founded, as anyone who has ever attempted to employ an ordinary Horse-less Carriage to cross a boundary between regions can attest. It is only, however, through the efforts of shrewd inventors such as yourself that continue to "push the outside of the envelope" (as the Aero-nauts would have it) that these difficulties with the world will be highlighted, and hopefully set right in due course.

So yes, were you to "fall asleep completely," your absence would create a void in the world...and one I doubt anyone else has the capacity to fill.

In hopes that this message finds you well,
I remain,
Sincerely yours &c,
Mr Erbo Evans
Evans Family Compound, Aphrodisia, Fantasyland

Talon Lardner's picture
13 Feb200705:22
Talon Lardner (not verified)


I remember in my youth just how painful growing pains were, that shooting, intense pain that goes up your shins in the middle of the night, keeping you from your slumber. I do believe this world we inhabit is doing just that: having one hell of a pain in its shins. We can just hope that the grid can take a few asprin eventually and settle in for the night.

A Humble Ratling,
Talon Lardner

Ordinal Malaprop's picture
13 Feb200706:58
Ordinal Malaprop (not verified)

Ah, you are all much too kind. It is a joy to hear that my self-pitying witterings meet with such understanding rather than the opprobrium which they deserve.

Desmond Shang's picture
15 Feb200707:57
Desmond Shang (not verified)

Ah, I'll certainly do all I can to set things aright.

I've already put in a request to get all of the Caledon sims at the same co-location facility for ease of sim transition. A friendly Linden on the concierge team is looking at the matter; we shall see what comes of it!

Cubey's picture
01 Jan200903:37
Cubey (not verified)

Ms. Malaprop,

A small correction to Illyria's correction: while it is true that I owe my autopilot script to Apotheus Silverman (thank you Mr. Silverman!), the parachutes were created and scripted by me alone.

I'm happy to have found your blog.

Mr. Cubey Terra