During the latest DownTime I have noticed that certain of my esteemed fellow residents seem to delight in posting the same complaints repeatedly across the forums. In actual fact the details of these complaints seem to vary little between events, and I imagine that it must be something of a strain to produce different prose each time.
With that in mind I have produced one of my Automated Tools for the convenience of anyone wishing to do so. Merely by visiting the Random Linden Lab Flame Generator, one may produce compositions such as
On top of everything else, we have to deal with closing the forums! I signed up so that I could sell inflatable penises - and I can’t!
Is this all some trick to get rid of us so you can sell SL to Microsoft? I put my kids through college by selling badly-made orbiters!
I’m a internet dietician and if I did this in my job I’d be fired! As a paying customer I don’t expect missing textures! This is the worst level of service I have ever seen. I pay for SL out of my hard-earned wages! YOU SUCK!!!
or
Being a Chicken Shack manager means that I know how things should be run - and this isn’t it! On top of everything else, we have to deal with freebie reselling! I’m a lawyer with twenty years experience and if any of my employees behaved like you do, I’d fire them! Why don’t we get more warning about W-Hat? I demand compensation!
for the delight of all readers. I know that I certainly appreciate reading such things. Any further suggestions for professions, issues, products or anything else will be gratefully received.
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October 14, 2006 at 7:26 pm
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October 14, 2006 at 7:23 pm
Dolus Naumova
Oh, this is good. Reminds me of the noob in a crate I have.
October 14, 2006 at 7:29 pm
Torley
Can I just say that “gynaecologist” comes up an awful lot?
OK, there, I said it.
October 14, 2006 at 7:49 pm
Ordinal Malaprop
Hm. I’m not sure quite why you are getting so many gynaecologists. “Torley” does pop up occasionally, incidentally; perhaps it knows somehow and tailors the results… who can say how these Devices will behave….
October 14, 2006 at 11:55 pm
kaia Ennui
omg ordinal not only are those hysterical but they’re so damn convenient as well! :P
October 15, 2006 at 3:56 am
Torley
In all pseudo-seriousness, I wish I had one of these back in 2004. It would have saved me a lot of time typing out complaints on this cyber-Underwood.
Maybe this tool, due to some arcanum across the ethers, can read my mind and knows that in a previous life, I aspired to be a gynaecologist.
After clicking through many times, I finally saw my name come up.
I’m duly honored to be included in such a Bold and Productivity-Enhancing Contraption.
October 15, 2006 at 5:12 am
Frans Charming
This thing is great Ordinal, and #secondlife agrees.
October 15, 2006 at 7:51 am
Brent Linden
I love it and I can’t stop clicking “A new flame, if you please”. It’s like you’re pulling them directly out of RT (you aren’t, are you?) ;-)
October 15, 2006 at 8:38 am
Erbo Evans
Truly inspired, Madam. When I read some (well…a great many) of your Engine-generated complaints to Laboratoire Linden, I found myself–er, how to put this?–laughing like a hyena in a tentful of nitrous oxide. Clearly, you are saving uncounted man-years in the drafting of complaints…albeit, perhaps, at the cost of productivity lost while people repeatedly press the button labeled “A new flame, if you please”. But scientific progress often has its small downsides. (It also often goes “boink,” if you believe the wisdom of the Calvin & Hobbes comic strip…but that was rather a non sequitur.)
October 15, 2006 at 9:52 am
Macphisto Angelus
Ordinal..
Thank you! This is one of the best laughs I have had this week.
This is why I love coming to your blog. Your wit and humor are much appreciated by this SLer.
October 15, 2006 at 1:34 pm
ShockWave Plasma
As a counterpoint, it might be fair to produce a LL excuse generator. I belive there are numerous BOFH ones it might be modelled on.
October 15, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Kisa Naumova
I have to say, that it quite simply superb - and far too unnervingly accurate to be an automated bot :-D
October 17, 2006 at 7:50 pm
Jrrdraco
This is a very useful tool, specially with Automatic Linden Labs reply generator, however it could drastically reduce LL staff.
I wonder if the generator takes each word and builds up a phrase or takes a whole phrase and links up as pharagraphs?
Anyway, congratulations for the good work.
October 19, 2006 at 9:51 am
Paul Churchill
Ms Malaprop.
Once again, my profound thanks are due to you for your labour saving Aethernet devices.
Rather than use your wonderful tool to cavil in the fora lindenae, I have found that if I simply simply request another ‘flame’, I can read it and enjoy it for its own sake.
This conveys exactly the same ampount of meaning and content as the forums themselves, and also allows me just as much pleasure and enjoyment as reading actual forum posts, but without the burden of having to think ill of particular individuals for posting the highly superfluous and eminently dispensible comments in the first place.
A top-notch job, once again, dear Ordinal.
Me ‘ats orf to the lady!
Churchill
October 19, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Cheese
i like chocholate milk
October 24, 2006 at 10:06 pm
Chandra Page
Thank you once again for a truly useful and delightful labor-saving device. Handcrafting whiny complaints is a chore that nobody relishes, and your new Automated Tool should allow untold thousands of Second Life residents to spend more time doing what they do best: loafing about in camping chairs.
October 27, 2006 at 6:07 pm
orcpac7 hokkigai
My Dear Ms. Ordinal,
If I may be so bold, reading the line, “This tool is updated as and when a new Issue arises in discourse relating to Second Life which I feel would be appropriate to include.”, I feel that whilst you have automated one part of the process, you are missing the train in not automating FULLY!
I would propose you consider pulling a feed from the acrimonious blogs du Lindae, pass it through a parser to separate into sentences, then drop out the noise words, AND keywords you already have in your collection. Those sentences with words left above a certain (I almost typoed “cretan”) level would be added in their entirety OR could have their key words added to the database!
August 3, 2007 at 1:36 am
Hotaru Tatsu
Ordinal, your newbie hair really sucks
August 3, 2007 at 1:45 am
Ordinal Malaprop
My word, I knew I should never have angered the Second Life Hairdressing Mafia.